Why Hasn't My Heart Changed?

I’ve been talking about the gospel as the power of God, and trying to show what it needs to DO in us. The gospel isn’t just true words, it is the life or power of the resurrected Son of God that must do a work in man to remove every form of evil, pride, darkness, self-love, enmity, corruption, and death from our heart, and to fill us with the light and life of God that restores man to His image and likeness. 

There is a question that I hear from people in one form or another very often. It is a question that I believe multitudes of honest Christians have asked themselves at one time or another. And the question is more or less, why hasn’t my heart changed? Why have I been a Christian for 10 years, 20 years, 40 years, and I’m still filled with pride, and selfishness, and fleshly desires? Or, why do I continually look at disgusting things on my phone or computer? Why do I still feel like a stranger to heavenly love and purity? Why do I love and pursue vain things? Why do I waste my precious time on social media, or watching YouTube, speaking foolish things, dreaming of selfish things. Why have I believed in Christ so long, and haven’t been changed by his power?

There is a very manifest REASON why so many Christians do not know the power of the gospel. There is a very clear reason why so few experience the power of God changing their hearts, and conforming them to the image and nature of the Son of God—even though this is plainly said in Scripture to be the desire of God and the experience of many in the early church. And it has to do with the fact that they do not embrace or love the WAY that the gospel comes. That may seem like a strange thing to say, but Paul says, “For our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Spirit and in much assurance.” (1 Thes 1:5) What does that mean? What is that power? How does it start? What does it do? These are important questions, and those of us who want to EXPERIENCE the gospel, the “effective working” of the gospel, should bring these questions to the Lord.

I believe it is correct to say, that the first way that man begins to know the power of the gospel is through an experience of spiritual light. The work of God begins with light. The work of God in the natural creation began when God said “Let there be light”, and then God began to divide things that were different, and later to cause growth, and increase, and glory to spring up in the creation. My experience has been that the new creation begins in the same way. The experience of power begins with light. Paul says:

But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus' sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ..—2 Cor. 4:3-6

The Scriptures are full of expressions that describe God or Christ as the LIGHT of men, the light of the world, the light that shines in the heart, the daystar that rises in the heart, the Lamb as the light of the city of God, etc. Now of course we know that this is not an outward, natural light. But this light has something in common with outward natural light, because it is that which makes manifest, that which allows the heart, or the spiritual senses, to see. 

John chapter 1 says: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and without Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.

We understand that these verses are talking about the eternal, living Word that was with God in the beginning, and was God in the beginning. John says this living Word was the creator of all things, and that through Him all things came into being. And then he says, that in this Word was life, and that that life was the LIGHT of men. Now I know that these are familiar verses to most of us, but I ask you to just stop for a minute and consider anew what is being said here. John is saying that the LIFE of the eternal Word is a LIGHT that shines in men, though they generally do not comprehend it. Consider that for a few moments. Again, John says that the LIGHT that shines in men, is the LIFE of the WORD that was with God and was God in the beginning. 

In the next few verses John talks about the coming of John the Baptist, and how he wasn’t the light, but was sent to bear witness of the true light. And then, picking up in verse 9 and speaking of the Word, he says: “He was the true Light, which enlightens every man that comes into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made by Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own received Him not. But as many as received Him, He gave to them power to become the sons of God.”

It is very important that we see what John is saying here. In the Word that made all things was the life, and that life was the true light of men. That light shines in some measure, or to some degree, in every man that comes into the world. But though the world was made by Him, and though He shines in them, still the world can clearly remain in a state where they do not know Him. But to as many as receive His light, He gives them POWER to BECOME sons of God. 

Now I know that most people usually see these verses only in relation to Christ’s outward coming to the Jews, referring to how the Jewish people specifically did not receive Him. This is certainly true as well. He did come outwardly to the Jews as their Messiah and the great majority of them did not receive Him. But since John is talking here about the eternal Word as the creator of all men, and as a light that shines  in “every man that comes into the world;” and since this light is said to shine with the purpose that “all men through Him might believe”, and not just the Jews of the first century, I think it is safe to say that he is speaking more broadly, and not only referring to Christ’s incarnation for 33 years. Besides, it is not until verse 14 that John says “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us.”

But what I want you to pay special attention to is the fact that this light (which, again, is the life of the eternal Word) shines in the darkness of man, and yet it is only to those who RECEIVE Him that He gives POWER to BECOME sons of God. [Some translations use the word authority instead of power here, which is also true, but the word is translated 63 times in the KJV new testament as power.] There is more here than dry doctrine and systematic theology. This is one of the most practical and necessary things for Christians to understand. Because here we see that it is only those who receive the light, who love His appearing, who love, follow, and submit to His shining, that experience power to become sons of God (that is, those who become sharers in the life and nature of the Father.)

Have you ever seriously considered the verses in the New Testament that talk about the “coming” of the Lord? There are some of them that simply cannot be talking about a future event. For instance, where Paul says, “Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts.” 1 Cor 4:5 Could this verse possibly be saying that nobody for the last 2000 years had permission to judge anything because Christ yet hadn’t come outwardly? James chapter 5 compares the “coming of the Lord” to precious fruit that springs out of the earth in those who patiently wait for Him. (See James 5:7-8) Revelation 3:20 speaks of a “coming in and dining” with those who hear His voice and open to Him. But at this time I want you look at 2 Timothy 4:8, “Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.” Some translations say “loved His coming” here, and either way, I believe most people think it is referring to a future event. 

I absolutely believe the Christ HAS come in the flesh, that He lived around 33 years as a man, was crucified, buried, raised from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of God. I also believe that one day He will manifest himself openly to all the world, put an end to time and the temporal creation, and judge the living and the dead. But it seems to me that, in this verse in 2 Tim. 4:8, this coming cannot refer either to a past or a future event. What could it mean to love a future coming of Christ? Think about that for a minute. Is Paul talking about the idea of loving the idea of a future event? I mean, when Paul speaks of people that love the coming of Christ, is he referring to people who have loved to think about what Christ might do in the future? Or who have loved to wait for an outward appearing? 

And even if somebody did love to wait for an outward appearing, or a future event, would this be a good reason to receive a crown of righteousness? “Lord, I’m ready to receive my crown of righteousness because I loved to think about you coming outwardly, even though you never did.” Does this make sense to you? It doesn’t make sense to me. 

But what does make a great deal of sense, and what seems to be incredibly important, is to love how He comes to us today. How does He come to us today? He comes to us as light; and MANY do not love His coming. 

This is precisely what Jesus is talking about in the second half of John chapter 3 in his conversation with Nicodemus.

And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.—vs. 19-21

Here again we see that light COMES into the world, but rather than receiving it, men love darkness rather than light. And why do they love darkness? Because their deeds are evil, and they know or at least feel somehow that loving the light, submitting to the light, will expose the real source, nature, and goal of their carnal will and deeds.

Now I am mentioning these verses for a very specific purpose. It is because we must understand the following three things: 1) Christ indeed CAME as the Son of Man, and the Son of God. And Christ SHALL COME as “a thief in the night; in which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, and the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up…” But He also COMES now, in varying measures, or degrees, in every man that comes into the world, as a light shining in our darkness. 2) that this light makes manifest, or exposes all that is evil or contrary to God’s will, nature, and purpose, and 3) that man has the ability, or rather a tendency to “not receive” it, or to “hate it” and resist it, and so to not experience what the light has come to do.

So who is it that experiences the power of the gospel? Only those who love it’s appearing and it’s working in the heart. 

Malachi asked a similar question to this many centuries ago. He asked: “But who can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner's fire and like launderers' soap. He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver; He will purify the sons of Levi, And purge them as gold and silver, That they may offer to the LORD an offering in righteousness. Vs. 5 And I will come near you for judgment; I will be a swift witness against sorcerers, against adulterers, against perjurers…”

Now there are great misunderstandings about the coming of Christ’s light, and great imaginations about how it comes and what it does. I would say there are just as many misunderstandings about the inward appearing of Christ’s light in the heart, as there were misunderstandings about the outward appearance of Christ in Israel. Christ didn’t come outwardly the way that they expected. The Jews expected something undeniable, something glorious, something that was according to their interpretations of Scripture. But He came as a baby in a manger, who was immediately persecuted by Herod. He came as a Nazarene that was overlooked for almost 30 years. When He began His ministry He declared that the hour had come when God would have a kingdom in man, not an outward kingdom, and began to testify against every form of sin, evil, and impurity that had turned the dwelling place of God into a den of thieves. He flipped over the tables in their temple, made a whip of cords and drove out their beasts. He told them that they were hypocrites, white-washed tombs, cups that were dirty on the inside, trees that always produce bad fruit. He taught them that uncleanness comes from within, and not from touching food with unwashed hands. He called them an evil generation, sons of the devil, who needed to be born of a new Spirit, and to find a righteousness that surpassed that of the Pharisees. And he said all of this to men and women who were supposedly believing in and walking in covenant with the one true God. 

This is how Jesus came in the flesh, and it was not at all what they were expecting. Many of them liked His miracles that touched their outward bodies, but they didn’t like His words, and they were offended at His mission. “We are Abraham's descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can You say, ‘You will be made free’? Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin.” 

And far from receiving Him, far from “loving His appearing”, they hated it, denied it, and wanted to kill Him, while they continued to read their Bibles, attend their synagogues, and wait for a Messiah that fit their expectations. 

My friends, what would you say if I told you that this very thing is happening today? Israel overlooked, rejected, and crucified their Savior because they did not like the way that He appeared to them. What if I told you that we are doing precisely the same thing. Time has not changed the heart of man. In his natural state, he is still the very same blind, prejudiced, presumptuous, and proud creature that rejected the coming of the Messiah in Israel because He didn’t appear according to their expectations. And the coming of Christ’s light in the heart is no different than His coming in Israel. I mean, obviously it is an inward rather than an outward manifestation, but it is the exact same Jesus Christ, with the exact same nature, message, mission and power. The same Jesus who came outwardly now comes inwardly, and the fallen, blind, and proud nature of man gives him just the same reception. 

Now be very careful here that you do not quickly excuse yourself from this charge. Just because you love the historical Christ of the Bible, does not mean that you love the light and power of Christ that appears in your heart. The Jews of the first century loved Moses and all the prophets. They quoted their words, adorned their tombs, and thought that they lived by their commands. And though their hearts were contrary to them, they were still able to love and quote and teach their words. And amazingly, the Jews found a way to use the very words of Moses and prophets to condemn and crucify their Savior—the very One of whom the prophets and Moses spoke. 

We think it is incredible that they could be so blind and hard-hearted. But, please don’t be offended if I tell you that we do the very same thing with the words of Jesus Christ. 2000 years have passed, and people have become very familiar and comfortable with His words, but we keep Him at a safe distance from our hearts. My friends, it is easy to love the stories of Him, love songs about Him and to him, love words He spoke and the things He did, and yet, when His LIGHT appears in our heart, we are far from “loving His apparent”. And as Paul says, we often “crucify again to ourselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.” (Heb. 6:6)

Please don’t think that this is impossible for you. I openly confess to you that I have done this very thing for much of my life as a Christian, and to some extent, I probably still do. There is a difference between loving Christ’s words and loving Christ’s light. When read in the darkness of our carnal minds, His words can mean whatever we want them to mean. But in the light of His presence, the heart is struck with a disturbing view of Truth that needs no interpretation. I have seen in my own heart that it is possible to read and sing and preach Christ’s words, but then to hate His appearance every bit as much as the hard-hearted Pharisees. And why do I hate it? I hate it for the same reason that they did. I hate it for the reason that Jesus gives in John chapter 3. I hate it because it threatens something that I love. I hate it because it threatens SELF. 

Now nobody says that they hate the coming or appearing of Christ. The Pharisees certainly would not have said that, and I don’t think I have never met a person—not even the most wicked of people—who was willing to admit it. But all you have to do to hate the light is to not like and agree with what it shows you. You hate it when you refuse to believe and receive and submit to what it makes you see. And you don’t even have to do this with words. Your heart does it, your choices do it, your life does it without you having to say a thing. And in this way, to varying extents, all of us have rejected Christ’s light, and thereby failed to experience the power of His gospel.

Now, when I say that Christ appears by His light in the heart, you must not imagine that I’m talking about visions, or dreams, or even spoken words. Christ is the living WORD of God, the perfect communication and manifestation of God’s nature and being. Hebrews says that He is the “brightness of His glory and the express image of His person.” (Heb 1:3) Christ is the living substance of goodness, self-less love, perfect holiness. His very nature is humility, righteousness, kindness, cleanness, etc. And when this nature manifests itself in our hearts, it is not usually with words that we need to hear and interpret. It is rather by an appearing of who and what He is, and in that light, a sight of who and what we are. A little of His light shines in our hearts and manifests His righteousness, and in this light we see or feel something of our unrighteousness—perhaps something that we did, or thought, or said, or desired. We see and feel it to be contrary to Him. Or His light shines within to show us the beauty of Christ’s humility, and in this light we discover our pride. Or we feel the wrongness of our selfishness, our vanity, our how we use words to call attention to ourselves. Or maybe in His light we see something of the reality of eternity and the seriousness of time, and in this same light we feel convicted for wasting our precious time in social media, in watching movies and YouTube, or reading unprofitable books. Or maybe we realize that we wake up and dress every morning with the intention of showing off our bodies, or displaying our money, in order to attract the attention and lust of our poor fellow creatures.

These are what many Christians call “little things”, and we do not generally believe that they have much to do with our spiritual growth, or with our experience of God’s power. We generally pay very little attention to these nagging convictions, and often both our parents and our pastors teach us (in words, or through their actions) that we shouldn’t let ourselves feel guilty, or we don’t need to be ashamed. We can follow the dictates of our societies, our friends, our culture, what we see on the internet or on TV, rather than pay attention to this still, small voice, this disquieting feeling that we have when we act selfishly, or when we twist the truth, or when we manipulate our relationships, or when we pass our precious time entertaining with worldly vanity. But tell me, where do you think this sense of disquiet, shame, reproof and correction come from? Do you think it comes from your fallen and wicked flesh? Is your flesh reproving itself? Does it come from the enemy of our souls? Is Satan dividing his kingdom against itself?

I can hear somebody objecting right now and saying, “No, these feelings of condemnation for sin are not from God. God loves me!” Friend, it is because God loves you that He is condemning these things. And He does not condemn them so that you LIVE in condemnation. He condemns them so that you come out of them, cease living in the flesh, and thereby come out of the condemnation, to live in peace, love, and union with Him. He condemns what is of the flesh so that you will walk in the Spirit. And this is exactly what Romans 8 teaches us. 

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” There is no condemnation for those who walk in the Spirit. But OF COURSE there is condemnation when we continue to walk in the flesh! OF COURSE God is going to make us feel His disapprobation and enmity with a nature that is contrary to Him in every way. A nature that we read “sets its desires against the Spirit,” that is “enmity with God,” that “cannot please God,” that is entirely selfish, proud, evil, angry, etc. He condemns what is of the flesh so that we learn to walk in the Spirit, and no longer fulfill the desires of the flesh. 

Others will object and say, “No, these convictions are just our natural conscience.” But Paul says, “all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light; for whatsoever makes manifest is light.” Christ said, “This is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” And in John 16:8 He says, “When He (the Spirit of Truth) has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment.” Paul writes to Titus, “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age,” Here are several Scriptures (among many others) that tell us plainly that that which reproves us in secret is the very light, Spirit, or grace of Jesus Christ. Can you show me any verses that say that such convictions come from the natural conscience of fallen man? 

It is not the conscience itself, but the Light of Christ that shines IN the conscience, that causes us to see and feel the things in us that are contrary to His nature.

And what I’m trying to tell you, and perhaps the most important thing I’ve said in all this time, is that it is precisely because we do not turn at these rebukes, because we do not love and agree with Christ’s light, submit our hearts to it, take it as our guide and teacher; it is because we make excuses for our evil, and for following our own will; it is because we justify ourselves against our own convictions in so many “little ways” that quench and grieve and resist the Spirit, IT IS FOR THIS REASON that we experience so little of the power of the gospel. These are NOT “little things”, and your attempt to surrender them will show you how big they really are to you. There is no such thing as a “little thing.” There are just things that are from above, and things that are from below. There are just things that are in and from and for the Spirit, and things that are in and from and for our flesh. And when we cling to that which is below, when we love our lives more than the truth, then we shut the door on the beginnings of the power of God. We crush the mustard seed, just as it is starting to grow.  In this way we “despise the day of small things” (often while we wait for something bigger and more glorious), and so lose the experience of His power. 

The gospel comes with power, and that power begins with light. And whenever we do not humbly acknowledge, embrace, accept, and love the truth that we see in the light, this is called putting His light under a basket, hiding His talent in the earth, being unfaithful in little so that we are not given more, allowing the birds and rocks and weeds to stop the growth of the implanted Seed. This is called “grieving the Spirit” (Eph. 4:30), or “quenching the spirit” (1 Thes. 5:19) or “resisting the Spirit” (Acts 7:51) and we do it quite naturally and automatically whenever we are not denying self, picking up our cross daily, and following Christ. 

In Joshua chapter 7 there was a man named Achan who took something of the uncircumcised nations, clung to it, and hid it under his tent. And just as soon as he did this Israel immediately lost all power to fight against their enemies. They could not even stand before the small town of Ai. Just previous to this, when they walked in humble submission to the revealed will of God, the power of God was so manifest among them that the walls of Jericho fell down upon their enemies. But when Achan clung to his uncircumcised treasure, God said, “The children of Israel cannot stand before their enemies, but turn their backs before their enemies, because they have become accursed. Neither will I be with you anymore, unless you destroy the accursed thing from among you” (Josh 7:12) 

Have you ever felt like this? I mean, have you ever felt like you cannot stand before your inward enemies? Have you felt that time is passing by and nothing is changing except the doctrines in your brain? Well, let the light of Christ search under your tent. Bring your deeds, your thoughts, your desires to the light, and perhaps He will show you where you are resisting the power of His gospel.  

Let me just summarize and I will be done. I believe the greatest reason that we are so often strangers to the power of God, the victory of God, the transforming work of the gospel of Jesus Christ, is because our hearts do not truly and humbly submit to the first appearings of His power, which is the Light of Christ, the Light that is Christ. We do not faithfully shun the evil, nor walk according to the good that He has already showed us. And while we wait for God to do something bigger, stronger and more interesting, we continue to grieve and quench and strangle the beginnings of His power that comes to us first as a heavenly light that says, “Turn at My reproof, surely I will pour out My Spirit upon you!” (Prov. 1:23)